Do you ever wonder why we had that extra night? Like it was gifted to us. I don’t always believe in higher powers or things happening for a reason, but it’s things like this that make me question it all.
My flight was cancelled, do you remember? The winds were too strong – planes couldn’t take off. They had to put all the travelers up in an airport hotel. An inconvenience to most travelers, sure. But for us? But now? All I can think about is how grateful I am to have had that one extra night indulging in you. As if some higher power knew what greater storm we were about to face, so it stirred up that wind storm and kept me close to you.
One extra night in the same time zone, where it wasn’t London and New York. Just you and me.
One extra night spent laughing with you between every kiss. One extra night with our bodies intertwined between the sheets. One extra night sharing dinner together, smiling and chatting without a care in the world. One extra night sleeping with my arms holding you tightly against me and refusing to let go. One extra night singing along to show tunes and giggling as we stumbled over the wrong words.
One extra night of love.
One extra night of warmth.
One extra night of us.
One extra night of all the things I miss most.
One extra night of all the things I didn’t appreciate enough until long after my flight touched back down.
the silent self mutilation of climbing into fresh bedsheets dusted with the scent of you and gripping tight, realizing all my nights are spent sleeping with a ghost.
Do we still look up and see the same sky? Some days, it feels impossible to even feel certain anymore.
It was always there, an ocean between us. But now? It feels like galaxies. Like I’m light years from home and can never find my way back.
My love for you is endless.
A labyrinth I work my way through,
with no desire for an exit.
It settles into my bones,
and I spend my days wandering,
exploring all the new and profound pieces of you.
I’ve been inside my apartment for nearly five months now.
But I’ve never felt further away from home.
Look at me — I’m smiling in this one. I’m happy. Radiant, even… wouldn’t you say? How do I do it? How do I mask all the pain and all the anger and resentment behind those eyes?
If nobody sees the pain, it’s as if it’s not real.
I’m always searching for the eloquent words. The ones that elicit emotions and captivate the way i’m feeling.
When sometimes, the word i’m looking for is the simplest one of all.
Dutch: something or someone who elicits comfort, a sense of calmness, warmth, safety, joy, and happiness.
It wasn’t the first word that came to mind when I tried to explain the way I feel when I’m talking to you.
No, the first word I thought of was home.
I held you all night long.
But when I opened my eyes,
you were never really there.
You didn’t have to write them down,
For me to feel the impact of your words
The mysteries and the wonder
that eagerly awaits us
As a new year unravels
True love isn’t something that happens often.
For some, they may never find it. For others, it comes more than once in a lifetime. You’ll know you have it when you’re with someone and they don’t just make you happy, because plenty of people can come along and make you happy, but they make you the best possible version of yourself. They’ll bring you up on your bad days, celebrate with you on your better days, give you strength and hope and courage and newfound wisdom as you grow together.
They’re not just someone you’re compatible with and enjoy being around. If you’re one of the lucky ones who found this true love, hold on to it. Fight like hell for it every day. Don’t ever let it slip away. Because you’ll never be the same once it’s gone.
I know this because I was one of those fools who let it slip between my fingertips… slowly watching it fade into the distance like the sunset collapsing slowly into the dark night sky.
And even if I’m not one of those few who can find true love like that again… you are. You’ve found another person in this world who makes you happy, who you miss when they’re gone as if they’re a part of you.
It’s no longer my presence you crave or my hand you wish to hold. It’s no longer my soft lips you wish you kiss goodnight before you drift off to sleep each night. It’s no longer my arms you need wrapped around you or my touch you desire.
But let me tell you this. True love usually comes only once, but you’re a lucky one. You have a future and you have happiness with another person who makes you feel complete.
And if that’s the case, what kind of person would I be to stand in your way of that?
This isn’t just me spilling ink onto paper for you
— it’s blood from old wounds and scars I tore open to finally feel again.
I’m aching for you, darling.
Could you stay a little longer?