February, Part One

Chapter One:
Losing Him, Finding You

A month that had stood for all that was lost
None of us knew how much it could cost

Cameras flashing at me,
They must’ve heard the news
Wounds were exposed
and it ripped me in two

Bleeding out,
Felt like an endless well
Never ending, stuck in this hell

You came out of nowhere
Still dreaded the cold
When the well bled dry,
You were something to hold

When I was hurt and in pain,
You were hope in all of my days
He may be gone, but look what I have gained

Oh, I would never let that go

February, Part Three

Chapter Three:
February is Cold Again

You disappeared slowly,
and then all at once

Watched you go, the way I watched him

Now the well’s bled dry,
I have no one to hold

All the hurt and the pain,
I’ve only grown cold

He may be gone,
but now so are you

I’ll never let that go
Oh, I could never let you go

She Heals

I was so afraid to relinquish that last piece of invisible thread – that last bit of hope. So I desperately clung to it. Too afraid of what would remain once the hope was lost.

Turns out, I’m still here.
I’m still fighting.
I’m still growing.
I’m still brave.

Hope isn’t gone. It still remains.
It lives within me – for me.

I have a lightness that I haven’t seen in myself in months. I’ve restored the faith in my strength.
In my ability to love. To forgive. To heal.

All My Thoughts

You’re my 4 am thoughts, alone in the silence of the night. You’re my 2 pm thoughts, a welcomed distraction in my work day when I’m aching to reach out and rest my hand on your thigh. You’re my 9 am thoughts, craving the warmth of you on all the cold lonely mornings. You’re my 8 pm thoughts, your head in my lap and my fingers through your hair. You’re my 11 pm thoughts, my fingertips aching for your skin to draw you impossibly closer.

Phantom

If I squeeze my eyes shut, I can pretend your body is right here beside me again. I can pretend your hand is inches from mine, waiting for me to take it. I can reach out and feel your warmth. But then I open my eyes. It’s cold. And I’m numb.