More Than Razors and Empty Stomachs

Self harm can be a hunger,
razor blades on skin.
Bruises and sleepless nights
and blood and tears.

It can also be sitcoms, and all our favorite movies.
Your perfume I still spray on my pillow to hold.
Keeping your books within reach, 
reading the inscriptions.

It can be eating bolognese, 
yours was my favorite. 

Or countless written words and spilled ink.
Clutching onto the softness of plush toys and small animals.

Drinking your favorite tea,
out of the mug with your initial on it.

All the songs I swear were written
with you in mind, just playing on repeat.
Finding you in every new song. 

Birthday cards and letters you’ve sent, 
still framed on my dresser.

Gifted jewelry I will never get rid of.
The feeling of the gold chain resting on my neck.

Thoughts of you.
Dreams of you. 

Pictures of you. Videos, too. 
Why did I take so many? 
Thank god I took so many.

Is this self harm?
Is it healing?
Is it grieving?

It all feels the same

A Piece of My Soul Still Resides With You

Why do some people play such big parts in your life?
When I first met you I didn’t think anything of it.

I didn’t look at you and think, “I’m going to fall madly in love with you.”

But slowly, quietly, without even knowing it, here I am.
Head over heels.

But why?
Could anyone make you feel this way if you gave it a chance?
Or is there only one person out there who is right for you?

I’m not sure how it works.
I don’t think anyone ever will.

But whether it’s destiny or not, I got lucky.

Gezellig (h.b.)

Dutch: something or someone who elicits comfort, a sense of calmness, warmth, safety, joy, and happiness.

It wasn’t the first word that came to mind when I tried to explain the way I feel when I’m talking to you.

No, the first word I thought of was home.