Self harm can be a hunger,
razor blades on skin.
Bruises and sleepless nights
and blood and tears.
It can also be sitcoms, and all our favorite movies.
Your perfume I still spray on my pillow to hold.
Keeping your books within reach,
reading the inscriptions.
It can be eating bolognese,
yours was my favorite.
Or countless written words and spilled ink.
Clutching onto the softness of plush toys and small animals.
Drinking your favorite tea,
out of the mug with your initial on it.
All the songs I swear were written
with you in mind, just playing on repeat.
Finding you in every new song.
Birthday cards and letters you’ve sent,
still framed on my dresser.
Gifted jewelry I will never get rid of.
The feeling of the gold chain resting on my neck.
Thoughts of you.
Dreams of you.
Pictures of you. Videos, too.
Why did I take so many?
Thank god I took so many.
Is this self harm?
Is it healing?
Is it grieving?
It all feels the same.
Why do some people play such big parts in your life?
When I first met you I didn’t think anything of it.
I didn’t look at you and think, “I’m going to fall madly in love with you.”
But slowly, quietly, without even knowing it, here I am.
Head over heels.
Could anyone make you feel this way if you gave it a chance?
Or is there only one person out there who is right for you?
I’m not sure how it works.
I don’t think anyone ever will.
But whether it’s destiny or not, I got lucky.
It feels like I’m losing my mind
every time you say goodnight
and I can’t hold you
But your intelligence
is what ignites a fuse inside me
You draw the softness out of me
and for the first time in forever,
I don’t feel the desire to resist it
Nothing feels better
than counting the minutes,
instead of the miles.
I’m always searching for the eloquent words. The ones that elicit emotions and captivate the way i’m feeling.
When sometimes, the word i’m looking for is the simplest one of all.
Dutch: something or someone who elicits comfort, a sense of calmness, warmth, safety, joy, and happiness.
It wasn’t the first word that came to mind when I tried to explain the way I feel when I’m talking to you.
No, the first word I thought of was home.
I just want to be where you are
wrap you up in my embrace
and entangle your soul
around my own
I held you all night long.
But when I opened my eyes,
you were never really there.
“Don’t leave me,” she whispered into the empty room, long after they were all gone.
stroke my thigh,
And I feel the lightning
shoot all the way
up into my soul
Fill me with love, with joy, with patience.
With moments that make my heart flutter
With laughter that makes my belly ache
With friendships that make me softer
With delicacy and delight that
makes me feel alive.
just like the candle
my flames danced vibrantly
but you were quick to blow me out