You didn’t lose love, it’s still here. It still burns brighter than all the stars in the galaxy. Even on the darkest of nights – it’s still there.
I wonder how many more planes I’ll watch—flying overhead just before they touch down—until I stop hoping one would bring you back to me.
I spent all my spare time in the comfort of strangers talking about you. Never wanting to shut up about my love for you. About the pride I have for you. About all my favorite things about you.
I spent elevator rides conversing with a stranger with an English accent about how she came to America and what part of England she was from because she sounded like you.
I spent hours pulling a chair up beside the concierge of my building to tell her how I’d planned to propose to you. Showing her the ring I’d been saving for.
I spent lunch breaks gossiping with coworkers about how fanfiction works and about how incredibly talented you are. I even had a few who read your work just so we could discuss it, because they saw the way my face lit up whenever I spoke of you.
Do you know what I miss most? The way I could feel a sense of calmness inside of me when I spoke of you. The way my face would light up when someone even said your name. The way I could spend hours telling a complete stranger how much I love you and plan to spend the rest of my days making you happy.
It’s just another thing I’ve lost. I’ve lost you. I’ve lost myself. I’ve lost the joy I feel inside when I speak your name and know I’ll see you soon and someday get to call you my wife.
It’s all ruined, you’re gone and that sense of calm has fled along with you. Yes, there are days when I start to believe I deserve to forgive myself. But then there are moments like these – times when I recognize that calmness is missing. But I don’t want it back. Not without you. Because I’d rather spend all my days missing you than trying to search for that sense of joy and calmness in someone else.
It’s hard to even feel you anymore
Slipping away, like a memory
I wish when I kissed you goodbye, I knew it was a goodbye forever. I never would’ve come up for air. I would’ve drowned in the taste of your mouth on mine, over and over again.
I still look for you in every book. In every lyric. In every line of poetry. In every episode of television. In each movie I watch for the hundredth time. I still look for you among a sea of strangers in a crowded room. In the emptiest of places. In every piece of artwork. I still look for you, even in my loneliest dreams.
The silent self mutilation of climbing into fresh bedsheets dusted with the scent of you and gripping tight, realizing all my nights are spent sleeping with a ghost.
Do we still look up and see the same sky? Some days, it feels impossible to even feel certain anymore.
hundreds of red rose petals and all the reasons I’ll always love you, set ablaze and scattered like ashes lost in the wind.
I’m drowning over and over,
and still praying the tide
will bring me back to you.
You never know if you’ll fall into a slumber full of happiness or hopelessness.
Don’t get too comfortable
Don’t get too used to me
I’ll be gone before I even cross your mind again
Will you miss me when I’m gone?
It used to be a balance, the highs and the lows. I took them as they came. Now, all that’s left of the highs is a distant memory that’s slowly disintegrating.
And the lows feel like I’m drowning.
I used to believe I was to blame. That I ruined what was blooming. But I’m not to blame at all. It was you who was afraid.
— And we weren’t blooming, we were burning.
Now, you’re just another stranger.
But tell me – how could a stranger force my heart to plummet completely into my stomach the moment I laid eyes on you again?
Do you ever have dreams that feel so real and you wake up and realize it’s because it wasn’t just a dream, it’s a memory of what you once had.
A memory of something you’ll never have again.