I called out your name between whimpers and sighs, tears stinging my squeezed-shut eyes, as I clung to the nothingness that is now just your ghost.
The good morning texts,
the late-night messages to greet you when you wake.
Counting down the weeks,
the days, the hours.
Knowing your smile will greet me soon.
Needy lips against my own,
weeks of greed and love and longing behind each kiss.
The warmth of your body
reminding me I’m safe,
reminding me I’m home.
Always needy for the comfort of you.
My lips still tremble, my hips still thrash, my body still aches, for only you. Only you. Always you.
You didn’t lose love, it’s still here. It still burns brighter than all the stars in the galaxy. Even on the darkest of nights – it’s still there.
You’re my 4 am thoughts, alone in the silence of the night. You’re my 2 pm thoughts, a welcomed distraction in my work day when I’m aching to reach out and rest my hand on your thigh. You’re my 9 am thoughts, craving the warmth of you on all the cold lonely mornings. You’re my 8 pm thoughts, your head in my lap and my fingers through your hair. You’re my 11 pm thoughts, my fingertips aching for your skin to draw you impossibly closer.
If I squeeze my eyes shut, I can pretend your body is right here beside me again. I can pretend your hand is inches from mine, waiting for me to take it. I can reach out and feel your warmth. But then I open my eyes. It’s cold. And I’m numb.
It’s hard to even feel you anymore
Slipping away, like a memory
My love for you is endless.
A labyrinth I work my way through,
with no desire for an exit.
It settles into my bones,
and I spend my days wandering,
exploring all the new and profound pieces of you.
Do you still think of me as you fall asleep?
Do you reach for me in the middle of the night
the way I still reach for you?
But your intelligence
is what ignites a fuse inside me
stroke my thigh,
And I feel the lightning
shoot all the way
up into my soul
“What’s it like,” she whispers into the shadows of night. “To love someone with your entire being and experience that type of love in return?”
The taste of your name on my tongue
is an intoxicating drugs of its own
and it’s safe to say I’m addicted
to everything you say and do
You were my favorite kind of poison
An addiction I couldn’t resist
Where do the lines blur between reality and fantasy?
Somewhere among there is where we lie.