Where It Hurts

They ask, where does it hurt?
You exhale, disconsolately.

Well, you see…

It’s your head; it throbs as thoughts consume you.
Replaying conversations,
Regretting what you did say,
contemplating what you should have said.

It’s your stomach; it’s always in knots.
Unexplained nausea, intense stomach pains, uneasiness.

It’s your bones;
they ache to remind you you’re weak.

It’s your chest;
it feels like a weight is crushing it,
making it burdensome to breathe.

It’s like waking up from a nightmare;
You can’t recall the details,
But that fear lingers, thickening the air around you.

It’s your eyes;
They’re swollen, puffy, red
From the tears, from the restless nights.

It’s the lack of purpose;
Like you’re just existing, not living
Each day is an endless loop and you can’t get out.

It’s the water drowning you;
You’re struggling to stay afloat.

It’s the inability to nurse your wounds;
Because you can’t bandage up something inside of you.

It’s your worst enemy;
Nesting inside you and you can’t run away.

It’s your lack of control;
Never knowing who you truly are.

It’s the loneliness that engulfs you;
Regardless of the number of people around you.

So where does it hurt, you ask?
Where doesn’t it hurt?

Dedication Part II.

You showed me how to be who I am
Taught me it’s okay to be comfortable in my skin

You helped me find the strength and the words
Built up my courage to be myself

Stood by my side as the world crumbled
Always picked up the pieces

You showed me my potential for happiness
And helped me be brave enough to get there.

 

Tastes Like Strawberries

The sun beamed down, warming our skin
But I was already on fire

You parted your lips
Softly biting into another plump, red strawberry
My eyes inspected your mouth
As I speculated how your lips could feel against mine
How they’d taste — coated in the sweetness of strawberries

The sound of your infectious laughter snapped me back
We interlaced fingers as we searched for the next perfect berry

But nothing could be as perfect as you:
Petite frame, soft long hair,
Eyes that put the ocean to shame.
Your sun-kissed cheeks against porcelain skin.

I imagined we were alone
As the desire lingered in the air
The fluttering sensation in my stomach

Chewing the inside of my cheek, failing to resist
A blush swept across my face that I failed to conceal

You giggled and bit your lip, locking eyes with me
Knowing exactly what I wanted to do

I leaned in slowly, pressing my lips against yours
Then carefully, I pulled back

But when our eyes locked again
I recognized the same desire in your ocean eyes
And my fingers got lost in your blonde locks
As I leaned in again,

And finally captured the taste of strawberries.

Shivers

That slight of touch
So slight, you barely feel it

Oh, but you do
Shooting shivers up your spine
As the tingle drives its way down your sides

Too delicious to pull away
Desire filling every ounce of your being

That slight of touch
With the tip of my fingertip
As I trace the shape of your parted lips

Ever so slight,
The shiver creeping down in all its delight

My fingertips move to trace your jawline
Sculpted, carved out like artwork

Down your neck to your collarbone now
Such an underrated spot that makes you shiver

Across your chest, then down your sides
Fingertips dig into your hips, pulling you closer
The shiver dissapates, turning into pure need

Facade of a Monster

You flash your sly little grin
And I fall for your facade

Luring me in, testing my naivety
And you won

My safety dissipates, fight or flight kicking in
But I was already trapped

Your large frame hovering over my petite one
Taking what you needed, not waiting for permission

Weak and afraid, suffocating between the pillow and your mouth
As your hands took what they wanted

But the worst was yet to come…
and the scars never truly go away.

Especially when it happens again.

Tug of War

Instinct yanks me one way
Then the other

But I’ll never know
I feel smothered

Give me time
Give me space

Let me heal
Just give me a chance to feel

I’m broken
Can’t find the pieces

I’m choking
The pressure’s on

I don’t know myself
And now you’re gone

Everything I thought I knew
Nothing makes sense
And I’m thinking of you

Torn to pieces
Ripped to shreds
Crumbled up, stomped on
Left for dead

Head versus heart
Logic versus intuition
Lust versus love versus fear

I just can’t hide
This tug of war doesn’t end
I’m splitting apart
I’m terrified

Inscriptions

I always tease
My memory is repugnant

Absolutely, unacceptably inadequate.

But when it comes to you,
I remember everything you reveal.

I memorize every word as it escapes your lips,
Every letter that forms to make up sentences you write.
Inscribing it into my memory.

Because I’m afraid.

One day I’m going to lose you.
And those words —
those letters, those snippets of thoughts,
They’re all I will have left to hold onto.