I booked the nicest suite in the hotel by the beach. I lit the tea light candles around the room and made it into our oasis. I got caught in a rainstorm with you and had to run through it in sandals so we could crawl back under the covers and spend the night accompanied by the flicker of candlelight and your skin against mine. I studied the art murals. Okay, that’s a lie. I studied you while you studied the art. I watched as your face lit up on the boardwalk. I shared my ice cream and admired the smile on your face as you finished the cone. I traded in our ski ball tokens for matching candy bracelets. I braved the ocean to chase you to the ends of the earth. I smiled as we downed our third round of cocktails on the sand. I sipped frosé until I lost all inhibitions and turned into a sexual deviant. I watched as you admired each freckle on my sun-kissed skin, wishing you would reach down and press your lips to each one that swept over my chest. I laughed as you admired my curls from the salty air. I whispered I love you for the first time. And then I said it again. I giggled as you did a happy dance reading the dinner menu each night. I (poorly) resisted the urge to keep my hands off of you at the dinner table. I flashed my camera as you took your first bite, white wine draped between your fingertips. I captured the moment of you, peering into the sunset and taking a picture of the way it set over the lake with the American flag waving in the wind. I set the picture as my phone wallpaper. I interlaced your fingers in mine as we explored the town. I nibbled on hash browns after you took a picture with your first Dunkin’ donut. I giggled like a child when you whispered, “thank you,” each time I pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. I smiled for bathroom photo shoots. I felt the safety of your arms around me as you clung to me in the pool. I fell in love. Over and over again. Harder than ever. With no way of resurfacing for air.
Author: Courtney Klauber
Hi, my name is Courtney. I’m an email marketer by day, and a writer and creator by night. Check out my poetry blog to read some of my freeverse-style writing or my personal website to learn more about me!
Ties That Bind
Nothing more than a resilient woman
with sad eyes, an empty heart,
and chains that bind her
to the haunting darkness
that’s made a home
in her own mind
February, Part One
Chapter One:
Losing Him, Finding You
A month that had stood for all that was lost
None of us knew how much it could cost
Cameras flashing at me,
They must’ve heard the news
Wounds were exposed
and it ripped me in two
Bleeding out,
Felt like an endless well
Never ending, stuck in this hell
You came out of nowhere
Still dreaded the cold
When the well bled dry,
You were something to hold
When I was hurt and in pain,
You were hope in all of my days
He may be gone, but look what I have gained
Oh, I would never let that go
February, Part Two
Chapter Two:
Hope in My Days
The months grew warm
With you, there by my side
Filling that void, the one he’d left inside
And I had you
The ink spilled on the page
No longer spelled grief
I was busy writing love songs
like you’d never leave
You came out of nowhere
Still dreaded the cold
When the well bled dry,
I had someone I could hold
February, Part Three
Chapter Three:
February is Cold Again
You disappeared slowly,
and then all at once
Watched you go, the way I watched him
Now the well’s bled dry,
I have no one to hold
All the hurt and the pain,
I’ve only grown cold
He may be gone,
but now so are you
I’ll never let that go
Oh, I could never let you go
Stuck On Different Pages
all your demons, oh I knew
fought them off with a sword
held you tighter when they pushed through
now you rewrite the tale, blinded by rage
paint me as nothing more than the villain,
still taking up every page
And, Still I’d Bleed for You
I hate the way I still fight for you
I hate the way I still hope for you
I hate the way I still ache for you
I hate the way I still cry for you
I hate the way I still crave you
I hate the way I still feel for you
I hate what remains of you
I hate the way
I hate
Blessings and Curses
I wonder what’s a greater curse – never knowing love, or having met your greatest love and losing it all.
Release
I called out your name between whimpers and sighs, tears stinging my squeezed-shut eyes, as I clung to the nothingness that is now just your ghost.
Stars That Burn The Brightest
I have yet to find a star that shines as brightly as you do.
One that illuminates the nights skies
the way your smile lights up a room.
Still, I keep searching.
Shiny Things, Paper Rings
Sometimes I like to admire it
It’s as stunning as you are
It shines – it’s captivating
Radiant, breathtaking, unique
Worthy and deserving of its recipient
But not of its giver
Even my phone misses your call
All my dreams are of you
calling to say you miss me, too.
The Clock Strikes
11:11 rolled around,
but I didn’t say your name this time.
I said mine.
She Heals
I was so afraid to relinquish that last piece of invisible thread – that last bit of hope. So I desperately clung to it. Too afraid of what would remain once the hope was lost.
Turns out, I’m still here.
I’m still fighting.
I’m still growing.
I’m still brave.
Hope isn’t gone. It still remains.
It lives within me – for me.
I have a lightness that I haven’t seen in myself in months. I’ve restored the faith in my strength.
In my ability to love. To forgive. To heal.
Needy
The good morning texts,
the late-night messages to greet you when you wake.
Counting down the weeks,
the days, the hours.
Knowing your smile will greet me soon.
Needy lips against my own,
weeks of greed and love and longing behind each kiss.
The warmth of your body
reminding me I’m safe,
reminding me I’m home.
I’m needy.
Always needy for the comfort of you.
