Not In My Cards

I was never destined for a great love story

But meeting someone who is capable of loving as deeply as you do,
Someone who lets their entire heart consume them
In every sense of the word

…It gives me a sliver of hope
That maybe, one day, I could be capable of
experiencing such a deep love like yours.

Force of Nature

I’m scared of what you’re capable of.

You bring out the best in me
And you scare the shit out of me

I joke you’re the nervous one
That I’m always in control

But deep down, that’s a lie
You have me wrapped around your finger

And we both know it.

Letter I’ll Never Send: Part Two – The Bad

I’ve never been one to open up. But with you, I couldn’t stop myself. Everything I felt… it just forced its way out. Raw honesty was all I knew when it came to you. I used to be so distant, cold, closed off, walls up. But everyone knows all it takes is the right person coming along to break through those walls.

But suddenly, I began to learn the truth about what you needed me to be. You didn’t want to be with me. You just needed an emotional crutch to help you through. And I was vulnerable, so I let you take what you needed, regardless of the cost. Even when the weight became too heavy for me to hold.

We’d never be what I wanted us to be, but you kept reaching out, so I remained hopeful. And I continued to fall.

When I finally mustered up the courage to take what was between us a step further, you weren’t ready. I pushed you too far and soon realized a hard lesson to learn.

I learned the hard way that you can’t force someone to feel the same way you do.

You’d never be able to feel for me, and I was shattered. I slipped on my sneakers, running faster and further than ever before. But even when I stopped running, the pain remained. And reality set in that I needed to let you go.

The stranger I longed for needed to remain just a forever what-if.

Letter I’ll Never Send: Part One – The Good

I don’t even know how it happened. One day, I finally admitted I was living a lie and mustered up the courage. I never knew it would lead me to you. I certainly never expected… this.

I remember how mesmerized I was by the sight of you. Your smile radiated your spirit right through. I wasn’t certain of much at that moment, but I was certain about you.

Everything came so naturally for me, for us. I spilled my heart out and being vulnerable never felt so right.

Soon, just the thought of you would make me giddy. I’d smile in public. I’d laugh out loud, not caring who heard me. Your quirky comments made my life less of a burden. I didn’t care about what crumbled around me, because I had you and everything was right.

I fought exhaustion each night, desperate to keep talking to you. Refusing to ever say goodnight.

You shared a portion of your heart with me. Your words had me enchanted. You let your guard down, just to let someone like me in. And it was beyond beautiful, no amount of words I write could ever do it justice. I was inspired. I realized I finally found what I’d been searching for months, years even, to find.

Just Not Today

Someday I’ll tell you how I truly feel about you. I’ll muster up the courage, tear myself open, expose myself for what I am. A coward. Because that’s how I feel.

I hide my feelings, unsure why I’m afraid. Rejection? Loss of a friendship? I’ll never truly know.

Someday I’ll be brave. Someday I’ll be vulnerable. Someday I’ll let you in on my secret. Just not today.