The Only Adrenaline I Can Feel

The fireworks erupt within me, puncturing my body and splintering my skin. It’s all too blinding for me to handle.

I can’t trap this inside me any longer. I need to escape it all.

Around me, it’s just a sea of darkness, littered by specks of people who could never understand all that I struggle for so long to keep buried.

The car door slams, quick as a gunshot, then it all unfolds. Hurricane flowing through my ears every time. Over and over, thinking one day this will end.

The speedometer climbs dangerously — up, up, up. With each sharp curve, a rush oozes through my veins like a wildfire that can’t be tamed.

I know it’s reckless, but I need this.

I need to know I can feel.

Tears I battle to contain can finally escape, stinging my burning, fiery eyes. Once the first little tear falls, the waterfall begins. Blurring my vision of the dangers in front of me.

The twinges of pain twisting deeper inside my body push me to finish what I’ve started. These thoughts consuming my already cloudy mind could make a mental person seem sane, but I know they’ll be gone once the car is in park.

When I reach my destination, my tears disappear with a few quick swipes. The smile I’ve learned to paint on so well returns. I cut the engine, and so does Hurricane.

The fireworks that allow me to feel finally subside. And I’m numb again.

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